No Funnel, No Problem: Erin Birch on Getting Coaching Clients with Confidence & Connection

No Funnel, No Problem: Erin Birch on Getting Coaching Clients with Confidence & Connection

Norbert Orlewicz:  Welcome to Between two Coaches, a Digital Mentors podcast for coaches, consultants, authors, speakers, and experts. I am your host, Norbert or Leitz, and in each episode we have a conversation with successful and emerging thought leaders in the mentoring industry to share experiences, insights, and practical strategies to make a bigger impact. Our work. 

podcast is sponsored by our Digital Mentors Compass Workshop. Most coaches unfortunately struggle to enroll enough clients consistently, not because they're bad at coaching, but simply because they lack clarity and simplicity in their marketing strategy. Simply put, they don't know how to stand out in their market and how to attract their ideal perfect clients. That's why we created the Digital Mentors Compass experience. It's a step-by-step workshop. Where you will clarify your marketing message and receive an AI powered 30 plus page marketing report personalized for your specific business and goals. It's an interactive workshop where you will walk away with a personalized roadmap to finally achieve your goals with a simple plan.

You can actually follow register to attend the next workshop for free@compassworkshop.com. Again, that is Compass Workshop. 

Alright, today's guest is a great friend, uh, that we've, I've had the pleasure of getting to know over the last, my God, has it been a decade. Erin? Today's guest is Erin Birch. Erin is an online business and mind transformation coach working with entrepreneurs.

She specializes in attraction marketing. Content creation, audience and relationship building and conversations that lead to sales. If you are looking for ways to enroll more clients, you're gonna wanna pay attention to this interview. Erin uses several modalities to help her clients remove limiting programming and beliefs and rewire their minds for success.

She's certified in hypnosis, NLP, somatic Work, change work, timeline therapy, and many other techniques to help her clients become fiercely empowered, high performing entrepreneurs with all the prosperity and abundance that they desire. welcome to the conversation. I.

Erin Birch:  you so much for having me, nor this is gonna be fun.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Yeah, always awesome to reconnect with you and have a great conversation. Uh, it's been an amazing journey watching you grow and develop over the last eight to 10 years. How long has it been?

Erin Birch:  Uh, 11 in April.

Norbert Orlewicz:  11 years now. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we're going really fast. All right, so let's kick this off, uh, with my first question here to get this conversation started.

We got a lot to talk about marketing mindset, but let's start here. What do you think separates truly great coaches? Is it the skill? Is it experience? Is it mindset? it the certifications? it something else entirely?

Erin Birch:  Skill I am, of course, skill is absolutely critical. Being of the right mindset, absolutely critical. But in my, I'm gonna go with experience because here's the thing, you can have a million certifications, but when you don't have experience in the field working one-on-one with clients or group, whatever, if you don't build up the experience of actually working with people, then you might be just kind of working out of a textbook.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Mm.

Erin Birch:  If something comes up, you're like, shoot, where, where in the manual is this? And if you're an NLP practitioner, your master practitioner, book, it's like a cajillion pages long and you can't sit there on a call and like be, you know, oh, let me find that technique in my book here. So here's the thing too.

When you gain experience of actually working with people, here's a beautiful thing that happens for you. You begin to be guided.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Yes.

Erin Birch:  You are guided. So here's one of the last trainings I was doing. One of my mentors was talking about, you know, the question came up, well, how do you plan for each session? And he is like, you can't, you don't know what's gonna come up.

You have to be able to work on the fly because even if you think, okay, I'm dealing with this person who has whatever confidence issues, oh, we should do a whole hour session on building your confidence. And then they come in and they have something else they wanna do with do work on, you need to be able to pivot immediately, and that only comes from experience.

So personally, when I'm with a client. I'm, I'm, I'm so present, but there's a part of me that is essentially channeling, like, I don't even know where well, that call it, your inner being, your inner self, your greater self, whatever. Stuff just kind of comes out and I feel like I just know what the person needs to hear in that moment, and you can only get to that place with a lot of experience.

Otherwise, you're simply relying on what you learned in a particular course. You're not able to adapt to what that specific, that specific client needs at that moment. So I'm gonna have to go with experience rack up those hours.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Rack up those hours. And so that brings to me, you know, an obvious question for new coaches, you know, that don't have the hours. And obviously if you've gone through a certification program, there is typically some, you know, coaching that you do with other people in the program to get some hours, to get some experience.

But you know, that only goes so far. So as a new coach and if you're struggling to acquire clients. How do we get this experience? What, do you have any advice or recommendations to, to new coaches trying to rack up that experience and rack up those hours?

Erin Birch:  Start by coaching people. Do a do a few free coaching calls to gain the experience, but also to build up your own confidence. 'cause if you're in a place where, oh, I don't know what to do, I don't know if I'm good enough, what if they ask me a question I can't answer? What if they go into a trauma response?

I don't know what to do. So if you're in that place of self-doubt, you are never going to do what you need to do to get more clients. So gaining the experience is gonna build your own confidence. And then of course, working with real human beings and seeing how things just kind of come up is gonna build your confidence.

So coach some family members, go coach your sister.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Do anything you need to do to get the hours, because I say this all the time, if you're trying to sell something that you don't have 110% conviction in what you do and how you do it, you're the, the, and we can talk about the, the programming. going to sabotage your efforts, and that's why your marketing won't work.

Your messaging won't connect, and your sales conversations will be ineffective, not because you don't have the technique, so you don't know what to say or you don't know how to deal with the objections. No, no, no. It's much deeper than that, isn't it?

Erin Birch:  Hundred percent. So there's a, everything is energy. 

People are picking up on your energy all the time. Your clients. In your marketing, there's a little thing called mirror neurons too, right? Like we are all connected. So any self-doubt you're feeling or lack of confidence, you are feeling, other people are going to pick up on that.

Also, as a coach, your client needs to feel that you know what the heck you're doing and you have no doubt that they can change. So one of the ways we can manage another person's state, you can't control anyone, but a way to manage someone else's state is you go first. That's the first rule of hypnosis.

If you want someone to go into trance, you gotta go first. You wanna put yourself in a state, uh, that you want the other person to feel. You want them in a particular state of say, belief. Then you have to be in that state yourself. You can't expect someone you're speaking to, to believe that this is gonna work if you're in self-doubt and a person will not create change in their, in their programming, in their mind, if they don't have the belief.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Yeah. 

Powerful. I love that. Alright, let's backtrack a little bit here because you have a really great story of how you got into coaching, and the journey that you've taken. And so can you maybe just share a little bit before we start talking about marketing and mindset and those kinds of things, um, 'cause you've done really well with your marketing approach as well, so we gotta definitely dive into that.

Just share with us a little bit about your story and what got you into coaching. 'cause you definitely didn't start your entrepreneurial journey in coaching, so just share with us the. The journey that you've taken.

Erin Birch:  In a nutshell, when I was 44 years old on my birthday, I had a whole midlife awakening, midlife realization, and this is when I, it happens to everyone, by the way, when you start asking yourself questions, when you realize you've hit middle age, you start asking yourself questions, am I happy? Am I fulfilled?

Am I living my purpose? Do I want the second half of my life to be the same way the first is gone? So at this time, I decided I needed to take massive action in order to create the happiness that I wanted in my life. So this is when I decided to start an online business 'cause I wanted to be able to travel.

My kids were like 12 and 15 and so both in high school. So I was kind of looking at the future and thinking, oh, they're gonna be out of the house soon. I'm. You know, the empty nester kind of thing. How do I want my life to be? And I realized I wanted to make some changes and I wanted the freedom to be able to travel and all that kind of stuff.

So I started an online business. I got into network marketing and then realized I didn't have a clue what I was doing. So this is when I found you guys, when I knew I needed to learn marketing.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Yep.

Erin Birch:  I jumped in. I, I learned the attraction marketing. I started attracting people to me. I started generating massive results in my own business.

And then people started coming to me saying, can you show me what you're doing? Like you were like brand new in this industry like six months ago. And look at all that you're doing. How are you doing this? Can you teach me what you're doing? So the first time I got a message on Facebook and the person said, how much do you charge?

And I went, what? Whatcha talking about? I didn't even understand what they were asking. So I got a little clarification on that. And they wanted to pay me money to teach them what I was doing in my own business so they could do it too. So I essentially fell into coaching. It was the farthest thing from my mind.

But then once I started coaching, I realized I. I couldn't help somebody take action in their own business unless I could help them with their mindset, because you can tell somebody exactly what to do and if they don't do it, the problem is between the ears, there's a reason why they're not doing it. I do not believe in laziness.

There's a reason people seem like they're lazy or they're not taking action. It's all the BS that's going on in their head. All the limiting beliefs, stopping them from taking the action. So this is when I went, oh my God, I've worked so much on my own mindset, completely reprogrammed my own thinking that I need to be able to do this for other people too.

So that's when I started learning, you know, a million different modalities and tools and techniques and strategies to help other people have the mindset to be able to build the business.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Yeah. And I mean, you've worked with so many different entrepreneurs now over the years, uh, entrepreneurs, marketers, um, coaches, consultants. What do you see as the biggest challenge? To creating success, right? We've got coaches listening here to this podcast and they're looking for, you know, maybe the marketing hacks or the marketing tricks or little insights or things that they can glean and, and take into their business to grow their business because there might not be creating the revenue and the sales and the kind of business that they dream and envision of. And regardless of the industry you're in, regardless of the type of entrepreneur you are. I tend to find that it all kind of stems to the, the same kind of problems and issues. What do you feel is at the root of this pursuit of success and the struggle to achieve the success that we desire?

Erin Birch:  Two things. Two things. A, your mindset. If you've got limiting beliefs that are stopping you from taking enough action, you've got to deal with that. And then the next thing

Norbert Orlewicz:  Hm.

Erin Birch:  is marketing. Most coaches don't learn marketing. How are you gonna get clients if you're not marketing yourself? So I've been in the coaching world and, and the world of, you know, okay, for example, if I go to California and do a bunch of training for hypnosis, what happens is as soon as the other people there getting certified know that I'm a marketer, they come to me going, how do I get clients?

Like if you wanna have a practice and put your, your name in the yellow page, I don't even know if Yellow Pages, white pages exist anymore, or a website or whatever you have.

Norbert Orlewicz:  There's directories. Yeah, there's directories. Coaching directories, and there's yellow pages. Yeah, there's Google listings. You could, you know, create a Google listing of yourself in your local area, you know, all

Erin Birch:  But is that where, well, maybe people go there, but the fastest way. Yeah. The fastest way really to get clients in my opinion, or also build an audience so that later on if you don't necessarily wanna do one-on-one coaching and you would rather do group coaching so that you're not trading time for money.

If you want to be able to, have all these opportunities open to you, you have to learn. Marketing. You absolutely have to. So I'm approached by other coaches, all the, you know, all the time that I've, I've trained with that are like, what do I do? I'm like, you're gonna have to learn marketing. And they're like, well, I've spent all my money learning these skills.

Right. But yeah, but you're not getting clients, so you're gonna have to learn the basics of marketing. So in my opinion, it isn't fair. For people to be teaching how to be a coach without teaching how to get clients.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Yeah.

Erin Birch:  The marketing,

Norbert Orlewicz:  Yeah.

Erin Birch:  see it happen all the time. I've been in communities where there's like, I don't know, 2000 coaches and they're learning how to coach.

But they're not learning the marketing. And it breaks my heart 'cause these are the coaches who are doing it because they're passionate about helping people, but yet they're not helping anyone because they're not getting anyone who needs their help into their, into their environment.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Mm-hmm.

Erin Birch:  The marketing is absolutely critical.

Norbert Orlewicz:  And now this is where things can get a little complicated, especially in 2025 because there is an abundance of marketing advice on the internet. And if you spend any time on social media, I mean, my feed is littered with ads of well-meaning coaches and gurus and trainers. That are trying to share their unique magic system to get more clients, this is where it can get really complicated and overwhelming. I love your approach, Aaron, because you're not very tech savvy, although you've become much more tech savvy, but when you started with us, you, you literally did not know how to copy and paste. Okay. So from your perspective, you know, now that you've been marketing for 10 years, You don't probably consider yourself like an internet marketer.

I mean, you don't build crazy funnels. You don't have crazy automations. You're not running thousands of dollars in paid traffic. Your, your social media. It's not like you're a massive influencer. It's not like you have a million followers on Instagram, right? When it comes to marketing. What are some practical advice that you can give people?

What is your mindset and your approach around marketing and your strategy around it?

Erin Birch:  You have to learn the basics. You have to learn the basics. You have to learn how to build an audience, engage with that audience and sell to that audience.

Norbert Orlewicz:  There it is. The three step

Erin Birch:  It is, that's how I've built my business. There's all these easy buttons out there, but here's the thing, you have to know how to do it all of this manually before you automate anything.

Like, I'm not against automation by any means, but here's the thing, how about you learn the basics? Because those foundational things will always be there for you. You get really good at that. You start making really good money in your coaching business. Then the other things that you can begin to implement in your business, like the funnels, you know, like using ai, you know, a chat bot, whatever it might be, you could pay someone to do that for you.

Make the money doing what you love so that you can pay people to do the things you don't wanna do.

Norbert Orlewicz:  right, because those things will never fix the problem of poor messaging.

Erin Birch:  Oh.

Norbert Orlewicz:  And I, I share your Facebook, uh, profile with, with people all the time. Just as an example of somebody who does it, right? Somebody who so shows up on social media, right? One of the things that I think you're so great at is just your consistency. You're consistently. In the market, you're consistently showing up with all sorts of different posts, but doesn't seem like you're not following some kind of social media formula. You're not too concerned about the hooks and going viral and all these things that I see trainers and coaches, you know, about all over the place. You're just authentically showing up. Tell me a little bit about that process, about how you, how you approach your social media marketing.

Erin Birch:  Well, here's the thing. I don't do the trend. You're not gonna see me dancing on TikTok. If you are, please. I probably need to be put in AA or something like that.

Norbert Orlewicz:  You're not using trending audios,

Erin Birch:  No, I don't have time. I have no interest in that. And here's the thing, if you want people to take you seriously, you do not want them to see you as just a trend. And I am very well aware. I learned this way back in the day. You know, earlier on from you guys, attraction marketing is about creating a perception of yourself, not a fake perception, A real perception.

It means, okay, here's the thing. If you're taking the time to build an audience, it is really important to build a connection. With that audience. Not just a super superficial here, here's my dance for the day kind of thing. But actually connecting and communicating with your audience, giving them the opportunity to get to know you on a really deep level.

Get to know what your core values are, what you care about, all of those deeper things. And you can only do that when A, you're being as authentic as you can be. Right? But. I was doing a training actually yesterday on this. It's like depth, can you add some depth to your marketing so that people see you as a deeper person?

So when you share things like your experiences and and your thoughts and what you think about things and people are like, oh my God, I've thought about that too. What kind of connection does that create? It's not about you ever lying or exaggerating or pretending you're something that you're not at all.

It's not about that at all. It's just, remember I was talking about connection and, and everything is energy and mirror neurons. How do you want people to see you? You gotta show up as that person. Nothing happens if there's no connection.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Right. So answer me this, got a struggling coach, right? One of these coaches that you meet along the way and they're like, Aaron, like, I just need like a handful of clients right now, you know, three to five clients in the next 30 to 90 days. What do I do? your advice to them? And obviously you don't have time to lay out a whole marketing plan, but just gimme some, some tips, just kind of big picture.

What's your advice? I wanna get my next few clients, obviously from social media.

Erin Birch:  Social.

Norbert Orlewicz:  do

Erin Birch:  Okay.

Norbert Orlewicz:  or not? Or not actually, if you've, if, if it's outside of social. Yeah. Tell me, what would you be, are your advice to get your next handful of clients?

Erin Birch:  of things. A commit, you know, long-term version vision. Commit to getting going on social media, building the audience. Engage to the audience. Sell it to the audience, right? But start providing value. Why are you providing value? A, it gives people a reason to follow. You pay attention to, but you are also proving, you know, your stuff.

Nobody's gonna hire you if you, they don't know that you can help them. Never forget a little thing called gut instinct. So when you're providing value and you're essentially proving to people, you can help them, people's gut instinct is going to tell you whether you can or not. This is why you consistently show up and provide value, right?

So you gotta be providing value. I would do that, and then the next thing I would maybe do is, Hey, I have some free time tomorrow afternoon. I'm gonna do three 20 minute calls free, complimentary for people who are struggling with fill in the blank. Do those free 20 minute consultation calls. Help them out a, get a testimonial from them 'cause you're gonna use that in your marketing.

B, see if they'd like to be a client. Uh, and then the next one is ask them for referrals. By the way, if you know of anyone who was struggling with this problem that you solve, I would be happy to help them. You know, feel free to send them my way. So I would be doing that because you can turn that call into a client and get referrals,

Norbert Orlewicz:  Mm-hmm.

Erin Birch:  right?

And you could do the same thing offline. Do a free call for your sister and then ask her for referrals. Do you have any friends who are suffering, you know, struggling with this issue? Let them know that I'm totally here to help. So I am not saying you're gonna do free coaching for the rest of your life.

You are not a charity. You're only doing some free calls or consultations to rack up the experience, get some testimonials, because think about that. When you've got the testimonials and you share those on social media, that's gonna bring paying clients to you. Right? So that's, that's what I would do if I needed, like if I was like, oh my, I need three new clients this month.

That's what I would do. I would put myself out there and offer some free calls. Or I would do a webinar on whatever problem you solve, free webinar, and then have a call to action at the end. Book a call with me. I help people with this.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Pretty standard, pretty standard marketing

Erin Birch:  Yeah. Or send out an email.

Norbert Orlewicz:  So one of the things that you've done so well is be able to engage and actually have authentic conversations with people. one of the misconceptions that I think a lot of coaches and you know, amateur marketers have is that if I just post content, 'cause that's what people think, like to make money on social media, to get clients on social media, I need to post content. They neglect what I think is the more important aspect, which is actually connecting with humans and having conversations. So can you talk to me about that important balance between the two and the importance of each of those?

Erin Birch:  So yes, you need to provide the content and the value proving you know your stuff. But the truth is, is rapport is the secret to the universe. If you don't have rapport with someone, you have no influence with the person. You want to create the opportunity to connect with somebody on a very deep level.

This means you're having a conversation from your heart. They feel that. They're gonna wanna work with someone. They try. I, I just got off a call earlier and just with somebody who wants help, and she's like, I need to be able to trust the person, especially if you're expecting them to be open during your coaching and share their struggles and maybe, you know, trauma for God's sakes, they need, they're gonna choose someone that they trust.

So you can develop some trust through your marketing, through your content, but the deep trust comes from the one-on-one conversations when they feel how much you care. And again, mirror neurons when you actually care about the person and wanna help them. They feel that. There's so much more to the whole thing about connection than people.

People realize and, and also connect, be the, the ability to connect with your fellow human beings on a deep level, in my opinion, is becoming a lost art.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Mm. Oh my God. Especially with the younger generations. Absolutely. Because of

Erin Birch:  Yes.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Yeah. Yep.

Erin Birch:  So if somebody is recognizing that they need some help and they've been struggling with something long enough and they're looking for help, they're going to choose the person they have a deeper connection with. And there's a lot of people out there that don't have the ability to connect on a deep enough level.

So if you are the one that is taking the time with somebody to build that connection, yes, they're gonna choose you. And a lot of people think, well, it's a waste of my time. It takes a long time to connect with people, not if you're good at connecting, you can do it really, really quickly. It's a skill. It is a skill worth having because if you can create a deep bond with somebody really, really quickly.

It cuts down on all the conversation the the time of having a car. You don't have to talk about the weather and all the things until the cows come home. When you know how to go deep with someone and really touch their heart and share part of yourself, then it can happen really, really quickly.

Norbert Orlewicz:  And maybe just let's stay on that topic, just one with one more question because this is where a lot of people, you know, they, they struggle with the building rapport. They, they stay in chitchat a little bit too long. and there's that difficulty in transitioning to, I. Transitioning to business, transitioning to actually offering your services or inviting them to take the next step. Any techniques or insights around that to help to help our listeners develop that skill? 'cause it is just a skill that you have to develop.

Erin Birch:  So most of the time when people are having conversations. They're busy in their head thinking about, what can I say to get this person to say, oh, I want, I need to hire you, or whatever, right? They're looking for the magical phrase to get the person to go, oh, here's my credit card. Right? So you're busy thinking about what, what, what should I say next?

What should I say next? What should I say next? So if you change your focus to how can I help this person? And how do you know how to help the person? By asking questions to find out what they need, finding out where they're at right now, where they want to be in the future, right? The gap, asking the questions to uncover the gap, and then you make the bridge over the gap, right?

That's your services and yourself. So you've gotta be asking questions of the person and this is gonna get them talking. And oftentimes when you're asking the right questions, they just unload 'cause oh my God, somebody actually cares and wants to hear what's really going on in my life. Now you're getting so much information that you can use to simply offer your help.

So knowing what their pain is, knowing what their struggle is, knowing what they desire in life, gives you an opportunity to frame your solution as the perfect solution for them. So it takes a little bit of detective work. It means you're getting outta your own head thinking about how am I, how am I gonna close 'em?

How am I gonna close them to, how can I help this person? What's going on in their world? What are their pain struggles and challenges? What do they need? Now? I can offer my help to help them get what they need and and want.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Hmm.

Erin Birch:  taking yourself outta your own head and kind of merging with them.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Right. Right. Building that connection and really, really putting yourself mo almost in the client's shoes, but really trying to understand your client,

Erin Birch:  Oh yeah.

Norbert Orlewicz:  right? If you, if you really come from that authentic place of really wanting to understand your clients so that you can better understand how you can help them, where the questions should come from. And then it's simply, well, I've got a solution for you, and this is where it comes down to your belief in yourself and what you deliver. Because if they've identified the gap and you know that you can help them, then it's just a matter of you having the confidence to invite them to the relationship where you get to lead them towards their goals and their dreams,

Erin Birch:  Offering your help. That's, and it's,

Norbert Orlewicz:  your help.

Erin Birch:  it's very much putting yourself into the other person's shoes. Most people don't bother to do it, so it's like you should know when you're, when you've, when you've got, uh, a relationship with somebody, you should know things about them. You know, like there are details you should know.

You should kind of know where they're at in life and where they wanna be. If you're on a call with somebody and you don't know those things, or even just a messenger conversation on social media and you don't know those things about them, it means you simply, you haven't asked questions to find out those details.

Norbert Orlewicz:  And so you're not ready to sell them into your program 'cause you don't even know if you can help them.

Erin Birch:  Yep. And you,

Norbert Orlewicz:  Right.

Erin Birch:  the asking the questions, you are also uncovering their pain, which gives you the opportunity to kind of help them feel their pain a little bit more deeply

Norbert Orlewicz:  Mm.

Erin Birch:  so that they're more responsive to when you make your offer. So for example, what do they say? The best time to sell your pain medication is when the person has the headache.

Now when they're feeling good and they're at the beach drinking a mitie, it's when they're having the headache and they're feeling the pain of that headache. And then you come along and you go, I got some ibuprofen for you.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's exactly the same thing. That's, that's exactly the technique. Yeah. Alright, let's shift a little bit in the conversation here. 'cause I wanna talk about one of the things that you focus a lot in your work with your clients, um, which is helping identity shifting, helping people shift their identity. And I think this is so important for coaches trying to grow their business and for coaches, coaching their clients as well, right? For the work that you're doing with your clients. Talk to me a little bit about that. What, what does this involve? Why is this so important? What do you mean by identity shifting and how does this help us in our life?

Erin Birch:  Ooh, this is a big topic.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Yeah.

Erin Birch:  So we're all a slave to the identity we've created. It's your identity is how you see yourself, who you think you are, how you see yourself, right? So this was created before the age of seven. You created an identity, a way of being that you thought your parents needed you to be so that you didn't get kicked out of the tribe, out of the family, and then you couldn't procreate.

This is how our neurology works. So we become the person we think we need to become, right? So, and then things happen. We, human beings are meaning making machines. We create meaning out of everything. Anything that happens, anything at all. We create a meaning and we develop this identity through our life experience, things that are said to us.

All of those things. So we'll, will we have an opinion of ourselves? You know what I just really realized a few weeks ago too, one reason people are afraid to put themselves out there is because they're afraid people are going to see them the way they see themselves. And

Norbert Orlewicz:  Ooh.

Erin Birch:  if you,

Norbert Orlewicz:  it's not, and it's not favorable.

Erin Birch:  Nope, most people have a very low opinion of themselves. And that comes, it started in childhood, all that kind of stuff, right? So shifting your identity, getting rid of all the limiting beliefs, all the self-doubt, how you perceive yourself changes absolutely everything.

Because if you have that low opinion of yourself, you're never going to do the things you want and know you should do. It's everything. Your identity is everything. I mean, that opinion you have of yourself, you can't escape that. It's like you're wearing a pair of glasses. In that filter is your opinion of your own self.

So how you see yourself becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy if you think you're stupid, like I always thought that I was stupid. Then guess what? You show up in your life as a stupid person. You don't speak up for yourself. You don't attempt to do anything big in your life 'cause I'm not smart enough. So it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that becomes your identity.

I identify as somebody of low intelligence, therefore, I'm gonna live my life as somebody of low intelligence. Your identity is everything.

Norbert Orlewicz:  These are subtle stories that we tell ourselves, you know, like that that's, that might be a, a big one, there's subtler ones that we carry around with ourselves all the time that we're probably not even aware of, that we tell ourselves.

Erin Birch:  So we have limiting beliefs that we're aware of, and then we have limiting beliefs that are in the unconscious mind that are below the surface of your awareness. That's what's driving your bus. So people have beliefs that they don't even know are there. So they undermine you all the time. Like, I'm not worthy of money, therefore I'm not gonna make anybody offers.

Right. Or you know, so I help people uncover the stuff that is hidden too, because it's crazy how something intellectually. You're like, well, that, that's nothing. The person didn't mean anything by that when they said that to you when you were four, but yet your 4-year-old mind created this meaning that shaped your entire life.

It's crazy. And now you've created this identity, this belief about yourself from that one little incident.

It's crazy how, so the thing about trauma is it's not the event or events that cause it, it's the meaning you create the interpretation of it, but also how you, how what you think it says about you.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Right.

Erin Birch:  if, if my mom said this to me and she actually meant nothing of it, like she just said, I didn't hang up my coat.

Big deal. Right? But then as a 4-year-old, you're going, what does that mean about me? That mom said you didn't hang up your coat. Does that mean I'm a loser? Does that mean I'm bad? Does that mean whatever? So this becomes a part of our program. You know, we build a whole identity around these things. I'm bad.

I'm not worthy. I'm gonna get kicked outta the tribe. Everything human beings do is outta survival, everything.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Pretty much. Yeah. Now, how challenging is it to shift these beliefs, you know, in the work that you do? Some of these are obviously, are, are deeper held beliefs that might take some time to uncover. Are there some simple things that we can do to shift that identity in the moment immediately? Um, you know, without necessarily months and months of, of inner work.

Erin Birch:  Yeah, uh, it, it happens. It can happen really, really fast.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Right.

Erin Birch:  I'm where I have a client who she has had such a horrible opinion of herself her entire life, and I shifted it in one session. So here's what you wanna start doing for yourself. Is whenever something comes up and it stops you, you wanna start having an internal dialogue with your own thoughts, you know, question what you thought, whatever's holding you back.

The minute you think something like, for me, oh, that was stupid. You're so stupid. You wanna start questioning your own thoughts, what you're saying to yourself, and then you wanna go wait. Is that true or is that just that story you've been telling yourself your entire life? Right. That's just my story coming up.

It's not even true. We don't speak to ourselves that way. We don't even believe that anymore because we know it was just something that that, that we created back when we were four, and it's just not true anymore. So you're self-correcting your own thoughts. And when you do that long enough, it's going to have a huge impact on you.

You gotta stay on top of it though. Don't just give in and go, oh, it's too much work. Do you wanna be a completely different person for the rest of your life and have better control over your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors? Then put in the work. Call yourself out on your own bs.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Yeah. 'cause that's really what it is. It's really just

Erin Birch:  It's an.

Norbert Orlewicz:  I love that. It's such a powerful question. Is that really true? Is that really true? Just question those thoughts that you have, those feelings that you have about yourself and about others as well. Is that really true? Because I see that as well, um, with coaches and, and entrepreneurs Online is something negative will happen in their business, right? Um, you know, somebody doesn't respond to your emails. Uh, they don't show up for your webinar. Uh, you know, they ask for a refund, right? And all of a sudden you start telling yourself all these

Erin Birch:  It's me.

Norbert Orlewicz:  And it's like, you have no idea what just

Erin Birch:  Yeah.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Why are you even personalizing this? Uh, do you see

Erin Birch:  Oh,

Norbert Orlewicz:  with people

Erin Birch:  everybody does it. Everybody does it. The human brain automatically a, goes to the negative, but also goes to the familiar. Your brain likes what is familiar. So it all, if, so, if that's your pattern of thinking, oh, what did I do? What did I not do, then your brain is naturally going, going to go back to that program until you self-correct it.

So here's one thing I've been saying to people recently. I'm like, huh, so it's, it's about you, right? And then I'm like, isn't that a little bit self-centered? I think it's all about you. And they're like, oh my God, but we naturally do it. What did I do? What did I not do? All that kind of stuff. When you have, no, here's the thing, if you've got issues, everyone else has issues too.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Right.

Erin Birch:  if they didn't show up on your coaching call or webinar or whatever, a, they have a life. You have no idea what's going on in their life. They could have a sick child, for heaven's sakes. Oh, it's all my me. It's all me. No, they got a sick child. You know? So they've got a life, but they also have their own limiting beliefs going on.

Oh, I don't wanna get on the call because now she's gonna think I'm stupid. That's projection, right? Obviously, that was my thing. I would avoid doing things because then people are going to know that I'm not so smart, right? So everyone's got their own stuff going on. It's not always about you. So here's what I do when something happens and what used to like just shut me down for hours, days, weeks, months, thinking, oh, I did something wrong.

I will look at the situation. So let's just u use you and I as an example here. You and I have a disagreement about whatever, right? So the old me would be going, oh, I, I was wrong. What did I say wrong? Norbert doesn't like me anymore, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right? Now what I do is I go, huh, why did Norbert and I co-create that little interaction to happen?

Why did we co-create that? We're both supposed to learn something from here, from this. What could I learn from this interaction? Maybe I could have communicated what I was saying better. Okay, let's work on our communication skills. So I will also look for my part in it because sometimes we make mistakes and we can somewhat cause something.

So A, I look for my responsibility in the situation. B, I look for what I can learn from it. But then I also realize that there human too, and they're creating meaning too, and they have their own issues and baggage and past trauma and limiting beliefs. Two.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Yep.

Erin Birch:  So understanding what's happening in your, your own fellow human beings is going help you stop taking things so darn pure, uh, personally.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Yeah. Fantastic. love that. Aaron, this is a great conversation. I love just hearing your insights. Obviously from your experience, you know, you've got years of experience working with. Hundreds of people all over the world from different backgrounds, in different capacities in marketing and business, but now also in mindset and NLP and, and, you know, all this energy work that you do as well.

So it's just fascinating to hear your insights on this, and I'm, and I'm sure that people are getting a lot outta this. Why don't you share with people really quickly. Um, I'm gonna share your Facebook profile and your links, uh, to your

Erin Birch:  Perfect.

Norbert Orlewicz:  So that people can connect with you as well. Definitely. If you're on social media and you wanna see someone who does, um, social media really wonderfully, uh, as a coach, go check her out on her, on her Facebook.

Um, but is there anything that you wanna share with people as far as, you know, what you're doing, what you're working on, or, or some way that they can connect with you?

Erin Birch:  Facebook is probably the easiest way to connect with me. I do have a website, but I don't spend a lot of time there. Like I had an assistant completely running my website. We're no longer working together. I haven't even gone onto my website in a long time. Only because I'm not interested in spending only time on a website.

You know, obviously I need to hire somebody else to do that 'cause I'm busy in the field and I like to communicate with people. So I find Facebook is a, it's way more fun for me. The connecting and the communicating with people. Like you can have actual conversations, which, which is way harder through a website.

Right. So I spend way more time on Facebook than on a website kind of thing.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Which is, which is awesome because you know, most coaches, they get their certification and then they're like, okay, now I need a website, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, I. I mean, I tell coaches, you don't

Erin Birch:  Nope.

Norbert Orlewicz:  website to make money. Get on social media. Just have conversations

Erin Birch:  Yep.

Norbert Orlewicz:  beings. My goodness. Right? Yeah. 'cause that's what it's really all about, is just showing up in the market, delivering value, sharing your message, and connecting with real humans

Erin Birch:  I consider a website almost just kind of like a digital business card.

Norbert Orlewicz:  pretty

Erin Birch:  Do you know how many sales I've made from my website that I know of? Zero.

Norbert Orlewicz:  Yeah.

Erin Birch:  know much money I've made from making connections on Facebook? A lot more.

Norbert Orlewicz:  A lot. A lot more. A lot more. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Aaron, this has been awesome. Thank you so much guys. We're gonna put the, uh, put all of Aaron's links in, uh, the description and the show notes there. So make sure you do reach out and connect, uh, with Aaron for, follow her on social media, specifically on Facebook. Um, you'll get some really great perspective on how to build your social media. Properly. So Aaron, I just wanna thank you so much for, for being here, for sharing your experience and I'm just really excited to see what you, what you build and what you create in, in the next months and years to

Erin Birch:  Thank you, nob. I really appreciate it.

Norbert Orlewicz:  All right, awesome. 

And if you're a coach, consultant, trainer, or expert, and you're looking for clarity in your marketing, just wanna invite you again to that Digital Mentor's Compass Workshop. It's a free interactive workshop where we help coaches get crystal clear on your messaging so you can show up authentically online, on social media, and understand the basics of marketing, uh, to get clients without all the guesswork.

And you can register for that at Compass Workshop. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your network, with your audiences. We're a growing podcast, so we need your help. Please, if you enjoyed this, share this out. Be sure to subscribe. Uh, leave us a review so you don't miss our episodes. This has been a conversation between two coaches.